Movie Review: Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe
It was brave of the filmmakers to use Jesse Ventura's actual hair.

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (1990) dir. Damian Lee

Sonia Murray (Marjorie Bransfield) has lived all her life in the small town of Thornbury in Canada. About six years ago, she was assaulted and impregnated by a foreign criminal who’d entered the country illegally. The criminal was almost immediately captured and hauled away by the foreign law enforcement officer who’d been in hot pursuit. Shortly thereafter, Sonia gave birth to a son, Thomas D. Murray (Francis Mitchell). Despite the stigma of being a single mother whose child had no visible father (Sonia hadn’t even gotten his name), she’s done okay for herself and Tommy, running a health food store. But now the criminal is back in town, and wants to take away her child.

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe
It was brave of the filmmakers to use Jesse Ventura’s actual hair.

The criminal in question is Secundus (Sven Ole-Thorsen), a former member of the galactic Finder organization who went rogue when he discovered a path to the “Anti-Life Equation” (shout out to Jack Kirby) that will allow him to become completely immortal and omnipotent. This involves mixing his genetic material with a fertile female of certain humanoid races (such as Earth humans) to create a “Komate”, a child with telekinetic abilities and enough brainpower to calculate the Anti-Life Equation without discorporating.

Pursuing Secundus is his old partner Abraxas (Jesse “the Governor” Ventura), an eleven-thousand-year-old Finder who we first see having his skin toughened by what looks like electrical torture. His job is made more difficult because by ancient law Secundus cannot be executed, even while resisting arrest, and Abraxas refuses to kill innocents like Sonia or Tommy to remove Secundus’ victory conditions. Abraxas must find a way of protecting the two Earthlings while also thwarting Secundus’ plans.

A number of professional wrestlers have managed to move into full-time acting careers. Jesse Ventura didn’t quite make it, but did have a number of memorable movie appearances, including this Canadian science fiction action flick. He’s okay in this role, but the emotionally restrained Abraxas does not allow him to use some of his better emoting skills. Good thing he had politics to fall back on!

Typical for low-budget efforts, this movie tries to have as little “science fiction” as it can get away with. One of the two Finder dispatchers mentions that while humans are no great shakes intellectually, Earth technology isn’t that far behind the Galactic standard. And most of the tech that would be harder to show is destroyed in the landing. Far from being a Guardian of the Universe, Abraxas struggles to guard just two people while Secundus cuts a swath through the population of Thornbury.

Mr. Ole-Thorsen is playing Arnold Schwarzenegger-lite, which is a bit disconcerting at times. Secundus kills people for efficiency, because they annoy him, and sometimes for what looks like fun. Unlike Abraxas, he doesn’t think of others as real people, only his ascension to godhood is relevant in the long run.

Tommy is voluntarily mute due to his fear of his own developing powers, which apparently involve a verbal component in their full form. This causes the problems you’d expect, including bullying. The sharpest moment in the movie is when the elementary school principal (Jim Belushi) tries to get Sonia to withdraw her son (“This is a normal school for normal children”) because it’s easier for him than actually stopping the bullies. We only see the bullying ourselves later when Tommy starts using his powers to make a bully back off.

The bulk of the movie takes place in the days leading up to Christmas–I think there might be some residual parts from an earlier draft that would have tied Tommy closer to being a baby Jesus figure.

Political: Abraxas is a “good cop” frustrated by a situation where the criminal has more rights than the prospective victims. His dispatcher specifically orders him to kill civilians as this will resolve the incident faster, and he refuses, trying to find another way (and eventually resorting to a loophole.) Secundus is an ex-cop who allowed the job to fray away any sense of connection with others before he began seeking personal power instead. The local police are bumblers who are in no way prepared for an actual dangerous criminal in their small town and serve mostly as comic relief. Their big moment is fetching a submachine gun from the armory, which actually manages to knock Secundus off his feet for a moment. (It would have been kind of hilarious if Secundus took serious damage from an Earth weapon.)

Content note: What is essentially high-tech rape without any actual sex, children in peril, bullying, an incontinence joke, the tops of women’s breasts are shown. (The print I watched was apparently the HBO version, which cut a bit of nudity.) A little bit of gore.

Overall: I’m going to put this in the “okay” category. It’s not actively bad, an attempt was made. But it never rises to the level of good, either. Mr. Ventura doesn’t have the right screen presence to sell his leading man role, and the overall writing isn’t sharp enough to sell the rest of the movie. This is the sort of movie I would settle for if it happened to be on and I was just wanting to have something on while working on another project or stuck in a hospital bed.